Entry Number Nine:: BREAK UPS

And here we are! So as the title states, this entry is about break ups. Kevin broke up with me on December 27th, 2011. He came down to Arlington to "win me back", only to break up with me about five hours later. I'm really hoping that by the time I read this, years down the line...that its only a distant memory. But for now, its painful. I loved him so much, and to see it fall apart like that was hard. But you know what guys? Its been a long time coming. Kevin wasn't much of a boyfriend, and I really know that now. Its time for me to focus on me, to figure out what I'm capable of outside of a relationship. There isn't anything wrong with feeling the sting of a serious break up, but to let it ruin your life would be wasteful. I have such a short time on earth, why waste it being unhappy? You know, as I'm writing this I'm feeling better and better. There is so much out there for me to see! And at the end of the day, my friends and family are right; the perfect guy who will love me endlessly is out there. We just havent met yet. =] But no lie, for now dating is the last thing on my mind. Which brings me to my next subject:: GOODBYES.

When I say 'goodbye', I'm referring to how my decision to join the Navy has affected my relationships. Its three months away now, and its really kind of like this period of both parties knowing that I'm leaving but trying to go around like normal. Kimy is the best example I can think of right now. Shes the light of my life man, if you're reading this...I just want you to know that I'm so in love with you its ridiculous. (In a best friend non lesbian kind of way.=] ) Kimy is my rock, shes the one I can always turn to without any judgement or betrayal. She always has my back no matter what, and I'm proud just to say we're best friends. But we definitely try to avoid the talk that is inevitably coming...the talk about how I'm just fucking leaving for six years. More and more often, she lets me know how painful it is for her, and like a coward I just try to ignore it. I just try to put it off. But I know whats going on...I know that people love me and don't want me to go. I guess what I'm going through right now is figuring out how to deal with that.

But I guess thats enough for now. Cheers.

Entry Number Eight:: BIRRDDAYYY

Happy 20th birthday Kimberly Leonard!! Man I lova loveee you! I know you probally wont read this ever, or at least for several months...but happy birthday! You're one of the best friends a girl could ask for, and I hope I can somehow make you really happy tonight! <3 This will be a short update- as of now...I am just broken. I feel like my boyfriend just doesnt love me enough. I know...girl problems. Hes supposed to come up here and visit my family for Christmas, but if he doesnt...I dont even know what I'm going to do. I really want him to come through...ugh. Whiney? Well shut up. Its my blog. Luh you.

Entry Number Seven:: DECEMBER

Happy December 1st people! So I havent posted in awhile, but I dont think it really matters...so hi! I'm back. And yours truly is officially 21! How exciting is that. I've started a workout regiment to prepare me for the Navy, so I'm very sore right now. So this month is December. This is the last Christmas I will spend with my family..at least the last Christmas I'll spend being their dependent child, if that makes sense. Since I'll be leaving in March, the next Christmas I will be in a different place in my life- and not everybody in the Navy can get off for Christmas, ya know? But I sure hope so, because I know it will be hard on my family. My sister came down for a visit and to celebrate Thanksgiving with us! It was nice to see you Kay! You're so beautiful, and I hope one day you see that. Well, thats enough writing...I'm trying to keep these short if at all possible. I'm going to go ahead and add a video I posted on my youtube channel so you can watch it if you get bored. Love you all.

Entry Number Six:: WORK

Work.

That is the word for the day. Why? Well, mostly just because I'm actually at work. But you get  my drift. I've started back up here at Texas Quality Care with my momma (hi mom!!) doing random things for her. Its really not that great, but it sure as hell beats sitting at home doing nothing. Although I am a bit depressed, I've got a new book that I'd really love to read...but it can wait. Just an update, I've got 140 days until boot camp! Woohoo! Love you. 

Entry Number Five:: RELIEF

So! I hope you've liked the content I've been giving you so far. I know its very wordy, but I cannot buy a new camera until I get out of boot camp, which is months away from now. When I start posting there I promise you it will be full of pictures! Anyways, so today I've decided to write a quick blog post to just let you know where I am. I've got 144 days left until I leave for bootcamp, so I got a while. I really need to start preparing for what its going to be like, and first and foremost comes physical training. I've put on some weight here recently...yeah I know it...and I really need to get back in shape. So today I am going to start building up my running. I have to be able to run 1.5 miles in fourteen minutes (the test at boot camp) so I want to make sure I have that down by the time March comes around. Also I have to work on push ups and sit ups, theres some form of a test with those too. I also have random Navy lore and literature to memorize...Creeds and rules and birthdays...nothing too hard. I've already memorized my sailors creed. I also plan on creating a budget, more of a general prototype, so when I get out of bootcamp I can start saving my money. I have terrible spending habits, and I think its best for me if I have an idea about what I'm going to do before I get there. Anyways, thats my update for November...oh! That reminds me! I turn 21 soon so yayyy!!! <3 Haha, bye loves.

just a video for today. its really just a meps video. but I wanted to upload a video just to test it out...seeing of how its just me for now. =]

Entry Number Four:: EFF EM ELL

ARGH!!! So my life is one big complicated shitstorm. Sorry about the language...but goodness! Where to even begin? I understand that this blog shouldnt be too long, but in an effort to help certain people in my life understand why I made the decisions I made, I'd like to make it somewhat thorough. Right now I'm really stuck in the crossroads of life; to continue on with the Navy or leave it for Kevin? I know, it doesnt make sense with everything that I've been posting so far...but sometimes things change. Unfortunately, the fact that I do want to go into the Navy hasnt changed...but what about Kevin? I mean...what am I supposed to do about him? I signed my papers, I went in as an adult and made the decision to join the Navy but here I am doubting it like a little girl!

I dont know, I'm in love with my boyfriend...but all I want to do is go in the Navy. Kevin always tells me how I made that choice for the wrong reasons...but what if I didnt?

This whole entry is whiney I know, but honestly...I dont even know what to do with myself. So! Sorry for this waste of time. Until later...