So today is a sad day. I mean...by all accounts, I should be very happy with how my life is turning out....but I cant help but to feel really depressed for some reason. But I will try and work past that sadness to write another entry. I'm starting to think that maybe these blogs will be better if I start adding pictures to them, but I dont have a camera! Maybe thats what I'll do when I get my first paycheck after bootcamp. I guess it really doesnt matter, because nobody is going to see this until I start giving out the link..so NOTE TO SELF. =] So I went to MEPS the day before yesterday! For those of you who dont know, MEPS stands for Military Entrance Processing Station(?), haha not sure about the 'S' in MEPS. So, the point of MEPS is to make sure you're physically and mentally fit to serve in the military. I got probed and prodded all day, but it payed off in the end. I'm now officially a future sailor in the United States Navy! (pause for effect...) =]
So naturally, I'm really excited! I got all my information too, due to my ASVAB scores and ability to type/think fast, I landed the job of a cryptologic technician. I actually cant really discuss what that entails, cause its actually a very secretive job...but in a nutshell...I work with computers. I leave next year, on March 26th for basic training in Great Lakes Illanois(spelling). So yeah, those are all the details. I dont want this post to be too long, because even I cant stand reading people's blogs if they're too wordy with no pictures(haha), but I just felt like I wanted to get down those details to look back on later. I know this whole entry is a bit jumbled, I'm watching TV at the same time. =]
ANYWAYS:: I have six months before I leave for bootcamp. Unfortunately for me, my personal life has gone to shit...which makes the wait that much worse. So heres to the countdown, I'll probally check back in from time to time on here, at least one entry a month, so I can explain everything I learn about the Navy! Yay! Also, I start working out with a personal trainer on Tuesday, which is going to be great, because I really need to get into shape. Anyways, see you soon. Maybe next time I'll have a more organized blog entry.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Entry Number Two:: CHOICES
Like every other human being, I've spent my entire life making choices. I made choices when I was little, I made them in high school, and I made them in college. When I went to high school, my life was so structured, I didnt even have bother to think most of the time. Then came college. It was the first time in my entire life when I realized that the choice I made had actually changed my life. I made the decision to move seven hours away to a new city. Shortly after, I made the choice to not study. Like most high school kids, I didnt fully understand the repercussions college has to offer to those who dont study. Once you screw up, that black mark follows you around taunting you. No matter what grade you make on the test, your freshman year reminds you that you're still screwed. I'd have to say that was the first time I truely understood what it mean to regret your life choices. Man if I could do it differently, I sure as hell would.
I'm rambling...I know. I realize this might come off like maybe I'm trying too hard to be deep... so maybe I should just come out and say what it is that I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about the choices I have made through out my entire life, and how they have led up to my decision to join the Navy. This choice that will so greatly affect not only my life, but my entire familie's life. It will effect my friends, my boyfriend...everybody. Speaking of Kevin... how did I get so lucky? I found such a beautiful giving soul in Kevin, and for some reason he loves me. And I love him! But still, I have made this CHOICE to join the Navy. To leave him on the shore holding not much more than the memory of me.
I guess what I'm wondering is where is the line? Where is the line between selfishness and taking what you want out of life? My mother birthed me, and I'm paying her back by flying away? My father loves spending his time with me, and was so excited for me to come home...and my answer is to get a job ensuring I will not live in the same city for at least five years? Its so confusing. I'm so excited to join the Navy, but the guilt is there no matter what way I spin it. Yeah, its easy to say "You know what...I'm doing what I want with my life and I dont need to answer to anybody." but its much harder to feel that conviction.
Most of the time, when these very real, very boring adult feelings consume my thoughts...I just feel like being a kid again. Like going back to high school, before my choices mattered. Before dealing with my guilt and pain like an adult became necessary. Gosh that sounds dramatic, but I apologize for nothing. :] Where do you find answers to questions like these?
Mom, do you have any idea how much I love you? Your love for your children is astounding, and I can only hope to be half the woman you are when I have children. You love me no matter what, and I would be nothing without you. When I leave you, when I'm not there for you to call....just remember you're all I'm thinking about. You make me laugh and cry pretty much every hour of the day, and I just cant understand how lucky I got with a mom like you. And above all else, no matter what happens, I love you more than I love any other woman in the entire world, and I'm proud to be your daughter. Always.
Daddy? You too. You're the best daddy I could ever hope for! I can sit here and think of a million different memories of you taking us camping. Our traditions! Remember? We used to always have steak and "yellow potatoes" with baked beans on the first night of any trip...NO EXCEPTIONS. And then always always we had junk breakfast food the next day, like honey buns and donuts. You remember that time we went on that long hike at Caprock Canyons and ran out of water? You were so worried the entire time, but you didnt even show it! And our special diving rock? I owe most of my laughs growing up to you, and I just want you to know how much I love love love you. No other boy will ever be as solid as you, and I...really thats all I know what to say. :)
Bottom line? I made the choice to go into the Navy. Now I just need to learn how to live with it, and let it go. I cant let everything weigh me down...I just dont know what to do. Confused.
I'm rambling...I know. I realize this might come off like maybe I'm trying too hard to be deep... so maybe I should just come out and say what it is that I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about the choices I have made through out my entire life, and how they have led up to my decision to join the Navy. This choice that will so greatly affect not only my life, but my entire familie's life. It will effect my friends, my boyfriend...everybody. Speaking of Kevin... how did I get so lucky? I found such a beautiful giving soul in Kevin, and for some reason he loves me. And I love him! But still, I have made this CHOICE to join the Navy. To leave him on the shore holding not much more than the memory of me.
I guess what I'm wondering is where is the line? Where is the line between selfishness and taking what you want out of life? My mother birthed me, and I'm paying her back by flying away? My father loves spending his time with me, and was so excited for me to come home...and my answer is to get a job ensuring I will not live in the same city for at least five years? Its so confusing. I'm so excited to join the Navy, but the guilt is there no matter what way I spin it. Yeah, its easy to say "You know what...I'm doing what I want with my life and I dont need to answer to anybody." but its much harder to feel that conviction.
Most of the time, when these very real, very boring adult feelings consume my thoughts...I just feel like being a kid again. Like going back to high school, before my choices mattered. Before dealing with my guilt and pain like an adult became necessary. Gosh that sounds dramatic, but I apologize for nothing. :] Where do you find answers to questions like these?
Mom, do you have any idea how much I love you? Your love for your children is astounding, and I can only hope to be half the woman you are when I have children. You love me no matter what, and I would be nothing without you. When I leave you, when I'm not there for you to call....just remember you're all I'm thinking about. You make me laugh and cry pretty much every hour of the day, and I just cant understand how lucky I got with a mom like you. And above all else, no matter what happens, I love you more than I love any other woman in the entire world, and I'm proud to be your daughter. Always.
Daddy? You too. You're the best daddy I could ever hope for! I can sit here and think of a million different memories of you taking us camping. Our traditions! Remember? We used to always have steak and "yellow potatoes" with baked beans on the first night of any trip...NO EXCEPTIONS. And then always always we had junk breakfast food the next day, like honey buns and donuts. You remember that time we went on that long hike at Caprock Canyons and ran out of water? You were so worried the entire time, but you didnt even show it! And our special diving rock? I owe most of my laughs growing up to you, and I just want you to know how much I love love love you. No other boy will ever be as solid as you, and I...really thats all I know what to say. :)
Bottom line? I made the choice to go into the Navy. Now I just need to learn how to live with it, and let it go. I cant let everything weigh me down...I just dont know what to do. Confused.
Entry Number One:: EXCITEMENT
First off, hi! So if you're reading this blog, its because I loved you enough to let you see it. In the last few months, I've made some serious decisions, which are taking me far away from the ones I care the most about. I'm writing a blog to document everything I want to look at later, maybe to see how far I've come, and to remember WHERE I came from. It will be a long time until I let anybody see this, so for now its more of a online diary. That is public for...everyone? Haha. :)
So I am joining the US Navy. I...Lindsey Brianne Gee...am going to be a US Sailor! Words cannot describe how happy just thinking about it makes me. Ever since I decided on the Navy, its like life has opened up. All I can think about is the adventures I'll get to tell my children one day. Pretty much everybody is against it, but I'm hoping with time people will come to understand and support my choice.
The Navy is where my future lies, but my heart is with my family. Leaving my mom will be the hardest thing I'll ever do...knowing what kind of pain I'm going to be putting her through. Ma, when you read this, I just hope you know how much I love you. How much I dont want to leave you behind while I go out and live out my idea of life. I hope you're happy, and not sitting around worrying about me. Dont worry, I'm fine! Promise. :)
So where am I in my process of joining the Navy you ask? Well...today is September 3, 2011 and in ten days I take my ASVAB. The ASVAB is the test all military applicants take to determine where the armed forces can place them. In order to be considered for the Navy, I have to make above a 50 on my ASVAB, which is doable for me. I've made really high scores on all my practice exams, but I definately need to focus more on the electrical and automative portions of the exam! I've never in all my life had to deal with cars or anything like that...so its all new material for me. Ahh...I'm not going to lie, I'm really nervous about taking my exam. But really happy to be doing it as well, because after my ASVAB comes MEPS and enlistment! MEPS is where my recruiter and I will attend in order to both get my physical, choose my job, and finally...to enlist in the United States Navy. I CANT WAIT! I know my family is hesitant, but I really do feel in my heart that I'm making the right decision...and honestly I don't wait to sit around waiting anymore. I'm taking classes at UTA this semester, but in all likelihood it will be my last semester before I ship out. Scary to think about...surreal would be a better word. But life is about taking chances right? Thats what I'm going to do.
Enough for now. Maybe another post are two before ASVAB? Definately one before I go to MEPS.
So I am joining the US Navy. I...Lindsey Brianne Gee...am going to be a US Sailor! Words cannot describe how happy just thinking about it makes me. Ever since I decided on the Navy, its like life has opened up. All I can think about is the adventures I'll get to tell my children one day. Pretty much everybody is against it, but I'm hoping with time people will come to understand and support my choice.
The Navy is where my future lies, but my heart is with my family. Leaving my mom will be the hardest thing I'll ever do...knowing what kind of pain I'm going to be putting her through. Ma, when you read this, I just hope you know how much I love you. How much I dont want to leave you behind while I go out and live out my idea of life. I hope you're happy, and not sitting around worrying about me. Dont worry, I'm fine! Promise. :)
So where am I in my process of joining the Navy you ask? Well...today is September 3, 2011 and in ten days I take my ASVAB. The ASVAB is the test all military applicants take to determine where the armed forces can place them. In order to be considered for the Navy, I have to make above a 50 on my ASVAB, which is doable for me. I've made really high scores on all my practice exams, but I definately need to focus more on the electrical and automative portions of the exam! I've never in all my life had to deal with cars or anything like that...so its all new material for me. Ahh...I'm not going to lie, I'm really nervous about taking my exam. But really happy to be doing it as well, because after my ASVAB comes MEPS and enlistment! MEPS is where my recruiter and I will attend in order to both get my physical, choose my job, and finally...to enlist in the United States Navy. I CANT WAIT! I know my family is hesitant, but I really do feel in my heart that I'm making the right decision...and honestly I don't wait to sit around waiting anymore. I'm taking classes at UTA this semester, but in all likelihood it will be my last semester before I ship out. Scary to think about...surreal would be a better word. But life is about taking chances right? Thats what I'm going to do.
Enough for now. Maybe another post are two before ASVAB? Definately one before I go to MEPS.
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